commentary

The Desperate Chick

Dating for women these days seems complicated. There seems to be too many distractions when it comes to getting to know men. Some of the things men do that make it hard to get to know them are: they are always hanging with their boys, watching or participating in any sporting activity, and just the sheer uncertainty of what the man is or isn’t bringing to the table. I get that. But there is also a part of this equation that women don’t take into consideration and that is you and some of your counterparts. Some of your counterparts seem to always get in their own way and they start pulling out the “do anything to get noticed” card. These are the desperate chicks and everyone knows at least three of these women. But in case you don’t, let me do an artist’s rendition of these women so when you see her on your street, you can tell the proper authorities.

Let’s start with her outward appearance. She’s the chick that is always rocking skank-up. That consists of heavy, loud colored eyeshadow, heavy blush, and  the standard heavy red lipstick. She’s the chick who is always rocking her skank wear. This consists of an extra shmedium wife-beater tank top, daisy duke shorts and 6 inch stilettos. She wears this gear to the grocery store, to her mailbox, or when the single guy next door is washing his rig in the hopes that he will take a notice and he will say something about her self-proclaimed hotness.

She’s the chick that is in her late 30’s or early 40’s hanging out in the club with a bunch of teens and 20 year olds trying to score a date for the next weekend. She’s the chick who, while in the club, is trying her best to get the attention of the top 2 on the desperate chick list. One is the Unattractive guy. This guy has no game, no swagger, no self-esteem. He’s just out to be the designated driver for his other attractive friends or he’s the purse watcher at the table while his female friends try to score with dudes unlike him. The other guy is the Uninterested guy. He’s the guy that no matter how attractive she is, if she was to walk naked right in front of him, he wouldn’t move the 6 dollar beer from his lips to even give her a second look. She’s the chick that knows all this but, she still wants to approach.

“Hi cutie, how are you”?

“Fine.”

“Wanna dance”?

“Not really”.

“Why not”?

“I don’t dance”.

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

“Uh…you’re OK looking. I’ve seen worse”

“So, you think I’m hot and sexy!?”

“Uh… that’s not what I said, but if you think so, then we’ll go with it.”

“Want to go back to my place?”

“No”.

“Why not? You just said you thought I was hot and sexy”.

“No. I said if you thought you were, then we would go with it”.

“OK, so why won’t come back to my place with me? I’d show you an experience you won’t ever forget!”

“You can’t show me your type of unforgettable experience because I’m gay.”

“What?”

“Yeah, gay”.

“Are you serious?”

“As serious as me coming out the closet when I was in tenth grade. Now, if you don’t mind, I would like to finish my beer in peace without your face being all up in my grill. Thanks for coming over”.

She’s the chick that no one wants to set their friend up with because over time it’s gonna get messy. First, she trolling your Facebook or Twitter account just so she can see if there are any guys that catch her eye. Once she spots one, she then starts begging  you, emailing, or friend requesting the guy to find out if this guy has a girlfriend or boyfriend. Your friend unknowingly accepts her friend request because he thinks she’s cute. She starts insisting that they go out to dinner and a movie. Your friend agrees to this. He takes her to see some cheesy movie, then to Montana’s Bar and Grill. He’s tired and wants to take her home, but she insists that they go back to his place for the nightcap. The nightcap eventually turns into sex and that’s when it goes down hill from there.

The desperate chick now thinks that they are in relationship because they just had sex with each other. She starts calling him excessively. She’s calling him 3 times before he gets into his car to go to work. She calling him 5 times while he’s at work. She’s calling him the minute she thinks he has stepped out of his office for the day. ‘Damn, I just wanna a break from this broad!’

He gets home and he has 16 messages on his answering machine ‘Call me now’!

He calls. She answers “Hello”?

“What’s up? Is everything OK? I see you have left me 16 messages on my answering machine”.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Uh…I just have a few questions for you”.

“Uh…OK”.

“So, I was looking on you page today and I came across something that is really bothering me. Why haven’t you changed your relationship status?”

“Excuse me?”

“Why haven’t you changed your relationship status?”

“Uh…why would I?”

“Why would you? What do mean why would you? Didn’t we just go out the other night?”

“Yeah?!”

“Well, if my memory serves me, didn’t I pay for the movie, fill up the tank in your car, and pay for dinner at Montana’s? Is that correct?”

“Well yeah, you asked me out-”

“OK then. Seeing that I did all that, you as my boyfriend….”

“Wooooo! Boyfriend”?

“Did I stutter?! Like I was saying before I was interrupted, seeing that you’ re my man now, I would expect nothing less than letting our friends and family know that we are an item, therefore I need you to change your relationship status on your page immediately!”

“Uh… I don’t know what impression you got, but I thought we were just hanging out. We went out Saturday! Today’s Monday! I’m not really interested in having a girlfriend right now. Sorry you got that impression…”

“Save your I’m sorry. Just change the status and we can move on.”

“Listen to me. I’m not changing my status. As a matter of fact, from this point, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to unfriend you.”

“What?! Are you breaking up with me”?

“Call it whatever makes you feel better, but please don’t call me, text me, or come by my house. I’m just telling you now, if I see you like 50 feet of wherever I am, I’m gonna call the police.”

“Well, you know what, that’s fine with me. You were a lame lay anyway. I was just going out with you to make my ex boyfriend jealous. He works at Montana’s as a busboy and he saw us and yeah he’s gonna call me back. You watch.”

“OK then, whatever. And by the way, you got too much time on your hands. Calling me 25 times in a day is not cool.”

Women have a hard enough time finding quality dates, boyfriends, and husbands without having this chick being in the way. Take your desperate chick friend and tell her to move out of your way so you can get the man you want. Nothing is worse than the smell of desperation. Take a quick evaluation of yourself and see if you fit that description. If you do, just turn yourself in so you can get the help you desperately need.

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5 thoughts on “The Desperate Chick

  1. Great post and perfectly describing dialogs… I been laughing all the way… and not only because your pretty good sense of humor, but finding some similarities with one or two I disgracefully know… 🙂
    But you know the worst part, when one of them hits the bottom of the Desperation Barrel, there is always someone down there… hahahaha!

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