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10 Secrets Men Keep Revealed

The other day I was reading another blog (TheBrabbleRabble). She had a post about the 20 Secrets Women Keep Revealed. I thought it was an excellent post. At the end, she invited men to give some feedback on the article. I jumped at the chance because for some of you ladies, you feel you know men from head to toe when in reality you don’t have a Foghorn Leghorn’s clue on what’s going on in our heads. So I came up with 10 Secrets Men Keep Revealed. Numero Uno…

We keep mementoes from our past relationships. Silky mementoes. We don’t have time to go back and read the love letters you have given us. We are visual creatures. We keep gear. Silky gear. Have you ever gone in your underwear drawer only to discover one or two pair of your favorite Vicky Secret undergear has suddenly grown legs and walked? No, you are not crazy. Just look no further than your ex freak of a boyfriend. Number 2…

We snoop and are as gossipy as you are. Yes, we are nosey. We snoop and look through your stuff just to see what or who we are dealing with. We want to make sure who you say you are, you are. What we don’t need is for some unseen or missed piece of info in the ‘getting to know you’ stage to come back and bite us in the ass. If you say you work the graveyard shift at the hospital, rest assured we will be rolling up in our rigs to take you on an impromptu cafeteria date over Salisbury steak and a jello cup. Number 3…

We REALLY do want you to roll to the game and the sports bar with us. Contrary to what some of you think, we want a woman to know something, even if it’s just a little, about the sports we like. Nothing gets a woman regulated quicker into the ‘friends with benefits’ zone than the woman who knows nothing about sports. It never hurts when the woman is hot and she can sling a stat or two at the boys over some buffalo wings and beer. If you can’t give me a name of a player or a favorite team, your days in that relationship are surely numbered. Number 4…

Contrary to what you all think, we are all not comfortable being ‘Birkenstock Guy’. You know the guy who rocks his brown open toed Birkenstock sandals, grey socks, some jam shorts, and a Panama Jack tank top. Some of us like to look, smell, and feel good about ourselves. Just like you like rocking your Tom Ford sunglasses, Micheal Kors dress, ceramic Chanel watch, Jimmy Choos, and a Birken bag, we also like to rock our Ralph Lauren suit, Ralph Lauren shirt, Audermar Piguet watch, and Gucci shoes. We’re not divas, but we’re divos. If your guy is always rocking a fresh pair of sneakers, a schmedium V-neck tee, and ripped jeans and he fights you tooth and nail when you even suggest that he score a three piecer from Jos A. Bank, you are rolling down the hill of futility. Let him rock his gear, but not with you. Tell him to go hang with the kids at the food court in the mall. Number 5…

We don’t want sex all the time. Women think that we’re over sexed creatures who would screw a hole in the couch if you let us. It’s simply not true. while sex is fun, it’s also work. Seducing you, kissing you for an hour, rubbing on you for another hour. And all of this for, let’s be honest, 15 minutes of actual intercourse. Just like you don’t want to go to work 7 days without an off day, we don’t want to sex you 7 days without a day off. Some days, we just want to cuddle with you. Some days, we don’t you to touch us at all. Probably the best day for us is when your monthly visitor comes because we know that’s like having a week’s vacation. Number 6…

We look at your Facebook and Twitter pages. But not for the same reasons you do. Women look at a guy’s Facebook page to see a guy’s relationship status. We look at your page to see who’s rolling in your posse. While some of us do care about your Facebook status, the majority us don’t. We just want to see if some of your crew is as pretty as you are. If you have a 100 girlfriends on your page and 73 of them aren’t remotely attractive, that says a lot about you to us. It says you like to be the center and all eyes should be you. If you are the cutest girl in your clique, then maybe you need to change your clique. Number 7…

We watch porn for technique. Yes, I said it. We don’t watch just to watch. They all have the same plot with the same predictable outcome. We watch to try some new moves in the room because we feel if we put it down on you like a porn star, you will run tell all your girlfriends and they may want to give us a try. Number 8…

We don’t like dumb women. If fact, we hate dumb women. The last thing we want as men is a stupid woman like this…

Playing dumb is just dumb and it will get you nowhere but dumped. Men want a woman who they can talk to about world issues, politics, religion, and all things in between. When your conversation consists of asking a question like “How many are there in the top 24 on American Idol?”, that’s a bad sign and it’s time to trade you in for a new model. Number 9…

We all like a good chick flick. Don’t let a guy tell you that he doesn’t like a chick flick. If he tells you that he doesn’t like chick flicks, he’s lying. We can only watch so many car chases, buildings being blown up, and 1 dude kicking 28 dudes asses in 1 session for so long. Just like you roll to the movies to look at Channing Tatum as eye candy, we roll to the movies to look at Rashida Jones. If you have a guy who always wants to look at a hard leg, worry. And Number 10…

We won’t do just anything or any one for sex. We have standards. We do have pride. If we get into a relationship with someone and we break up, we want to be able to hold our head up with the boys and say, ‘Yeah, that was mine’ or ‘I had that.’ The last thing we want is for our boys to see is when you roll into a place where we are and we have to hide behind a piece of shrubbery because we know you don’t measure up to the boys ‘hot chick standard of excellence.’ This also goes for ‘Anything for sex’ woman. Just because you are willing to make some of us your kept man, doesn’t mean we are willing to do anything with or to you. There is a line. I don’t care if you buy us a Maserati, our dignity is worth more than a piece of over priced machinery not to stoop you being your boy toy and having people know some desperado only bought this rig for me just because I’m hot. Sorry, not worth it.

Ladies, I hope this gives you a little insight on what goes on in our minds. See, we’re not as complicated as you think.

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