commentary

Way Too Much Time On Your Hands Guy/Gal

We all get bored. We all have to do something to break the monotony of boredom. Some of us may throw cards into a lid. Some of us may widdle wood with a knife. Some of us may even decide to go out on our porches and watch cars roll by our shacks. Then there are the one’s who take breaking boredom to the next level. They are ‘Way Too Much Time On Your Hands’ guy or girl. They have so much time on their hands that they pull a Triple U (Uninspired, Unfunny, and Utterly Stupid) stunt like it’s going out of style. Here are a few examples:

Nothing says fun like spending time on Expedia looking up flights to Spain, dropping 1,469 bucks for 1 hotel stay and round trip flight, and trying to outrun a nearly 1 ton bull on what’s supposed to be a vacation. If this is your idea of fun, I’ll make a deal with you. Give me and a couple of my friends 50 bucks each, we’ll rope off our street, we’ll get in our rigs and try to run you over with them. It’s perfect. You save a heck of a lot of money, you get the same thrill, and if or when you get hit, the hospital is not far away.

So let me get this right. I’m supposed to hurl my body down a wet hill, risking life and limp for cheese? For cheese? Thanks, but no thanks. If I roll out of my rack for some cheese, you better believe I’m not chucking myself down a hill with the hopes of me being the 1st person at the bottom of the hill to retrieve it. Do yourself a favor. When you have a hankering for some cheese, get in your rig and drive to your local grocer or if you want a little stronger cheese than that, roll to the local Hickory Farms Smokehouse. Your time will be filled with tasting cheese and not on a gurney in the ER.

Who told you it was cool to hop on Timmy’s big wheel and ride it down a hill? And who told you to take it a step further and put on a ridiculous costume? No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend, your wife left you and you live in the basement of your grandma’s house. When you can’t put your hooves on the pedal of a Big Wheel, it’s time to graduate to something a little less hugging of the groin and Flintstoning of the feet. You and this guy are probably cousins:

Look, I get it when you want to channel your favorite athlete by buying his kicks, his jersey, or any product outside of sports he or she is endorsing. This is just a scoach too much. When you have the time to recreate a costume with material from Pep Boys, Nintendo parts or have a costume made to cover your anatomy all in the name of a book, movie, or video game you saw, you are doing way too much. You are the type to wonder why you don’t a boyfriend or girlfriend. Have you taken inventory of yourself in the mirror? You purposely walked out of your shack dress this way. All in the name of a superhero who doesn’t exist. At least these guys have some proof some of these people existed:

At least these cats have the uniforms, the muskets, and the music to justify why they got to much time on their hands. I get re-enactments. But I don’t see people wanting to re-enact the sinking the Titanic. I don’t see people wanting to re-enact episodes of Joni loves Chachi. The only re-enactments I want to see are on my TV on an episode of Scorned.

This goes beyond an obsession. This is crazy. If you know any grown adults who talk to dolls like they are kids, build a house centered around cats, or build a replica of the Oval Office spending a quarter mill only when completed, it cost more to build than your house is valued for, run as fast you can. These people take time-wasting to the a whole new level.

If you have the fortitude to spend a lot of time building a Lego city, you probably should turn this into a civil engineer job and get paid. Nothing says ‘I have no life aside from putting together plastic blocks’ than this. This would be a definite turn off from woman coming to your crib for a candlelight dinner

“Oh, wow! Your son’s Lego set. He’s really talented. And it’s so accurate of downtown. Did you help him?”

“I don’t have kids. This is mine.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I did this.”

“Really.”

“Hell yeah! It only 5 days and the only reason it took that long because I had to special order the Metro Subway set to complete it. Isn’t it fresh?”

“Uh…yeah. Oh shoot, will you look at the time. I got to run.”

“No you don’t. You’re just trying to break this date because you’re jealous because I’m creative and you can’t hang.”

“Yeah that’s it. Gotta go!”

Memo to these people. Find some friends. Go play some frisbie golf or something and stop risking life, limp, money, or a good Saturday with your over the top attention grabbing antics. It’s not fresh. It’s downright creepy.

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