It’s been a minute since I broke out the Triple U moniker for an entire blog piece. But someone just had to do something to make me take the hammer to the glass and pull the Triple U lever to sound the alarm.
Meet Desmond Hatchett. He’s a 33-year-old Knoxville, Tennessee man who is having slight issue paying child support. I get it. Times are tough, the economy is in the crapper, and he’s not making the money he used to when he first started working. He does pay child support. Problem is Hatchett only has a minimum wage job to support
his 30 kids! 30 kids! He is 3 kids shy from having his kids equal his age! His kids rage in age from toddlers to the oldest being 14! This screams the epitome of the Triple U. This is uninspiring, unfunny, and utterly stupid on every level possible. It’s uninspiring because when was it going to dawn on this wunderkind that at some point that he had to stop getting chicks pregnant for his own sake? Child number 10? I’m not a parent to a kid, but I can imagine the effort it takes to take care of the needs of 1. He has 30! Three zero! You can’t remember 30 kids names, let alone birthdays. It’s unfunny because the state of Tennessee can take up to half of his paycheck and according to reports, some of the mothers are getting a whopping…1.49 cents a month in child support. That is one item on the McDonald’s Dollar Value menu. The moms would have to scrape up out of the couch or bust open a piggy bank to get another 3.51 to get a Little Ceaser’s 5 buck pizza and that isn’t even including tax! They can’t even buy a 5 buck box from KFC or Taco Bell! And unless he gets a better job, that’s all they can look forward to. One dollar and forty-nine cents. It’s utterly stupid because what self-respecting woman would lay in the rack with a guy who has 30 kids? When people are just dating, the subject of kids can be awkward. Did none of these woman have this conversation over dinner?
“So tell me a little about yourself, Desmond.”
“Well, I’m 33, I work at such and such a place, and I have kids.”
“Oh, wow! You have kids?”
“Yeah, I got kids.”
“Oh, that’s cool. Boy and a girl?”
“Boys and girls.”
“Oh, both! Wow, OK! 1 boy, 1 girl?”
“No, I got a mixture.”
“A mixture? How many kids do you got?”
“Last I counted… 29.”
“Boy, stop playin’!”
“I’m not playin’ I’m so serious right now with you.”
“This isn’t funny. You got 29 kids!”
“Yeah. Problem with that?”
Apparently not because 30 kids and 11 baby mamas later, Desmond is looking desperately to have his child support payments reduced. Yeah, good luck with that Desmond. No one is going to feel sympathy for you because this is all you and your baby mamas fault. It’s your fault that you didn’t know how to wrap that thing up to prevent this situation. And it’s the baby mamas fault because when the guy told you that he had over 3 kids, you should have ran and ran quickly. I don’t feel sympathy for you and your buck 49 child support. What I do have sympathy for are the 30 kids because while they have a father physically, they don’t have a father psychologically and that then becomes MY problem. I didn’t ask for these kids to be born so that I ,as a taxpayer, would have to take of them because 9 times out of 10, we the taxpayers are paying for them. Memo to Desmond: Instead of asking for a reduction of child support, ask the court to pay for you a vasectomy. That way you, the state of Tennessee, and the rest of the taxpayers of America don’t have to worry about you having another kid and it relieve you of your own self imposed stress.